Today’s Tidbit is more of a short shoutout with a moral. I did not ask Jerry Smith for permission to use his name or tell this story. I am going to lean on his forgiving spirit after the fact. Love you JSmith!
In a previous Tidbit, I wrote about the impact my late Grandfather had on my life and how we all should find and nurture a relationship with a mentor. In this Tidbit, I thought I might double down on that and shine the light on another mentor and point out how, as a mentor, teacher, or coach, you should consider feedback your best tool to help people grow. But, it’s not for the faint of heart and, spoiler, it works best when you actually care about the person. With that, let’s dive in.
Ha Ha Ha, No!
I was sitting in the first class of my Intro to Cisco Routing college course, eagerly awaiting the start to a new learning adventure. I had already finished my first semester with straight A’s and had settled in to being at the top of my class. I’d also slipped into the dangerous territory of getting a bit cocky with my newfound status. An error that would go on full check in the first 30 seconds of the class.
In walked the instructor. I can still see in my minds eye the casual walk in he made. As though he had some classic Pearl Jam walk-up music like a star baseball player. I’d call it a saunter. Or maybe a mosey. Yeah, a mosey. He moseyed up to the front of the room and asked that first fateful question, “Someone tell me what a router does?” I could not help myself. “It routes stuff,” was my over eager, over cheeky reply. And it killed. As the class laughed at my smug reply, the instructor did a cheeky chuckle of his own and calmly replied, “Wrong. Next.” I felt like a train when it meets Superman on the tracks. Full. Stop.
After the pain comes the learning
The instructor from the story is Jerry Smith, who I still count as a mentor and, more than anything, a friend. Even now, as we live a state apart, I try to make time to drop in and pick his brain. (As I mentioned before, find a mentor) But his subtle face palm that day was probably not the most important piece I want to share. It was the conversation that happened afterwards. It took a few weeks, but when I finally asked Jerry about that moment, his response was something to the tune of, “Your reputation preceded you, and I wanted to see if it was deserved.” It was quick and to the point, but the feedback was monumental. To this day, I still do my best to keep the ego in check and remember that there is always someone smarter than me. All it takes is remembering that short response, “Wrong. Next.” But I don’t think that would have sunk in had I not believed Jerry actually cared about me as a person.
Care about people
Here’s the thing: Give people feedback, but care about them before and when you do it. You can call someone out as long as they know you are doing it out of love. Feedback is absolutely necessary for course correction and evolutionary change. As such, it’s central to an Agile mindset. But beyond Agile and Kanban, it’s how we get along as humans and learn and grow. Feedback seems in short supply these days. By that I mean both the ability to give it with love and the ability to receive it with humility. We need more feedback.
There are lots of different ways to give feedback, but the best is also the simplest. Here are two easy steps:
If the person has not asked for the feedback, ask, “Are you open to some feedback?” Then, honor the response.
If they are open to it, focus on how that person best receives feedback. If you don’t know the answer to that, you may need to build the relationship a bit more. If it’s critical, and you actually care about the person, let them know by saying something like, “I am only giving this because I care about your growth and I know you are as well.”
Boom! Done. Does not have to bee needlessly gushy. Just a quick, “I see you and care about you and this will help you.”
Shout out to Jerry Smith for being the humility check that day and for being a model, mentor, and friend ever since.
That’s the short and sweet for this week’s Tidbit.
Until next week,
Keep on learning. Keep on growing.